I Need You So Much Closer
by Kajsa
Summary: Set in the ep "The Rivals" - Seth goes to see Ryan in the pool house, only to find that Ryan's about to run off, and Seth really doesn't want that to happen. Slash. Rating just for the language.


Disclaimer: Not mine. All Josh's and, uh, Fox's. Summary: Seth goes to visit Ryan just when he's about to run off to Chino. This is set during the episode "The Rivals", where Oliver stars at Marissa's and Ryan's school. SLASH. Ratings: PG-13, just for some of the language. A/N: This is my very first O.C fic, besides a lot of drabbles, so be gentle! I'm still working on getting a hang on all the characters, and stuff like that. Also, sorry if the ending is a bit sappy. I tried to change it, but it was hard lol.  
  
I Need You So Much Closer  
  
Even though all the lights in the pool house was out, Seth could distinctly see Ryan sitting on his bed with his face buried in his hands. Seth realized that he must've taken his parent's punishment hard – grounded, no phone, no visitors and not to mention the extra work at school plus detention every day – but at some level thought that those things could never touch Ryan.  
  
He opened the door to the pool house and when he heard the gentle click that signaled that the door closed behind him, he got Ryan's attention. It was dark, and everything was very still. For once, it seemed as if the waves outside by the ocean was no longer tumbling back and forth. There was just...silence.  
  
"Hey, man." Seth said in lack of topic ideas without mentioning Marissa, Oliver, school or the fact that he's grounded.  
  
He just wanted everything to get back to normal, back to when Marissa and Oliver weren't around as much..  
  
Ryan didn't answer Seth, and sighed silently.  
  
"So, uh, I have no idea what to say." He continued and put his hands in his pockets. "I mean you know how big my mouth is. I think it's impossible for me to converse without mentioning Marissa, or school. So should we just get right to it?"  
  
He seemed serious, and that got Ryan's attention. He got out of bed and lit the lamp on the nightstand, still silent.  
  
When the light graced the room, Seth's eyes immediately fell on the packed bag by the floor.  
  
"Dude, no." He said, taking the whole thing as a joke.  
  
"Sorry, man." Ryan said in his full voice, not regretting the past fifteen minutes he spent packing his entire life in one small golf bag.  
  
"Road trip?" He asked with hope. "Uh, maybe a little vacation? To get away from the place, but you're coming back, right? That's what you do after vacations...you come back. You get a ticket that goes both ways, man. You're coming back, right?"  
  
When Ryan didn't answer with his back turned against Seth, he approached him.  
  
Ryan was incessantly fiddling with his leather wrist cuff. He could feel Seth's footsteps behind him.  
  
"This is insane, Ryan." He tried one more time, seeing Ryan's elbow jerk back and forth as he kept fiddling with the wrist cuff.  
  
"Tell that to Oliver. I'm sure he'll relate."  
  
"This is about Oliver?" Seth asked shocked, and in the bad sort of way. He frowned at Ryan and held back the screaming that begged to come out of his lungs. "Dude, I thought you were over that. What happened with the 'embrace the friend' thing I told you? It's solid. It'll work."  
  
"Funny, cause it didn't seem to."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"You mean expect for the fact that I broke into the file directory at school, looked through Oliver's file and got busted?"  
  
"Um. Sure."  
  
"That little idiot has got a thing for Marissa." He snapped back, and finally turned around to face Seth.  
  
Seth gasped surprised at the outburst.  
  
"Dude. Stop that. You're starting to freak me out a bit."  
  
Ryan took the tone in Seth's voice serious. He did know he might've gone overboard, and he probably wouldn't be so convinced that Oliver was a psycho if the file hadn't said that Oliver, in fact, was a psycho.  
  
"Then, you'll be glad to get rid of me."  
  
"Stop doing that." Seth said when Ryan grabbed his jacket by the chair. "You're just overreacting, we all do that. You have to stay and talk things out with me. C'mon. Seth/Ryan time, right now, buddy."  
  
Seth desperately tried to get Ryan to drop the jacket he was holding in his closed fist, and sat down on the bed; patting on the empty space next to him. But Ryan wouldn't move a muscle from where he was standing.  
  
"Seth/Ryan time, huh? You didn't seem to want to have those whenever Oliver was around. And if I remember it correctly, you never even believed me. So why would I want to have Seth/Ryan time?"  
  
Seth was speechless and just as he was about to point something out Ryan beat him to it.  
  
"And why is it Seth/Ryan time? Why not...Ryan/Seth time? You're putting your name first so you'll feel important, or you just want me to be the last one mentioned?"  
  
Ryan could not believe how much he'd turn into Seth Cohen while his stay in Newport.  
  
"Dude, you have got to look at the facts here." Seth defended himself and stood up. "Oliver has done nothing wrong, and as far as I know, or at least by what I've seen and heard, the only one who has had a problem with him would be, oh yeah, you."  
  
"And Luke." Ryan added weakly.  
  
"And Luke, sorry, forgot. But the fact is, that both you and Luke have dated Marissa so you have this emotional bond with her and you don't want her to get any male friends. Cause look what happened when she was dating Luke! You became her male friend, who soon became her boyfriend. See where I'm getting at? But Marissa wouldn't do that to you, and Oliver just likes her as a friend. They have a lot in common, Ryan. There's nothing more to it."  
  
"What makes you think Oliver just likes Marissa as a friend?"  
  
Seth blushed. "Well..."  
  
"Seth? What makes you think Oliver –"  
  
"He told me." He retorted, acting as if it's no big deal.  
  
"Of course." Ryan whispered and put on his jacket.  
  
"Don't put your jacket on, Ryan. You can't just run away. Where are you going anyway?"  
  
Ryan didn't answer; he was too busy pulling the sleeves over his arms, and checking his pockets for any money, or possibly, gum.  
  
"Sorry, but I don't think we have a lot of Model Homes left for you to move into. What, are you going back to Chino?"  
  
Ryan shrugged. "I still have friends there. It's not too late."  
  
"Not too late for what? Ryan, what the hell is the matter with you? You're apart of our family, okay? You're my best friend, and I don't want my best friend running away because he's jealous of some guy."  
  
"Seth!" Ryan interrupted and grabbed him by the shoulders. "You have to stop talking so much. It drives some people crazy."  
  
They smiled at each other despite the packed bag by their feet. Seth looked at Ryan with a genuine worry.  
  
"It's just..."  
  
"I gotta do this, Seth."  
  
"There are other people who needs you, you know. There isn't just Marissa." Seth paused and closed his eyes. He couldn't possibly be looking at Ryan when telling him this. "I need you so much closer than Chino. I need you, or I won't have anyone."  
  
"You'll have Anna. And possibly Summer."  
  
Seth opened his eyes and saw how hurt Ryan looked down at his bag.  
  
"But they're not you."  
  
"I can't do this with the whole Oliver thing. You don't believe me...-"  
  
"...Apparently only Luke does..."  
  
"And if you can't see how fucking psycho that kid is... There won't be any Seth/Ryan time. Because, basically, you don't trust or believe me. You cannot look it from my side, and that's not exactly what I need right now."  
  
"Ryan/Seth time." Seth held back a grin. "Let's call it Ryan/Seth time."  
  
Ryan cracked a smile and felt his knees getting weak, so he decided to sit down on the bed. Seth followed his move, and sat down next to him.  
  
"And I don't want to not have Ryan/Seth time. Okay? You get that? Don't leave. About this whole Oliver thing, I will see it from your side, though..."  
  
Ryan looked at Seth.  
  
"No. It won't mean anything if you do, cause that's not how you feel."  
  
"Oliver hasn't shown to me any evidence pointing at him being a psycho, that's why. Can you blame me for that?"  
  
"Aren't you even a bit curious what I found in his file?"  
  
Seth blinked dumbfounded.  
  
"Thought might've crossed my mind."  
  
"It said he cut his wrist for some other girl he was obsessed with. Because she only saw him as a friend." Ryan explained. "Like Marissa, she just sees him as a friend."  
  
"Yeah, but that's –"Seth paused a moment and thought about the information and then looked at Ryan. "A bit psychotic, I get your point."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"I can't believe you broke into the file directory."  
  
"Kind of not the point."  
  
"Man." Seth shook his head in disbelief. "I mean it seems kinda...not Oliver to do that. Then again, I hardly know him."  
  
"He's been too busy bribing you than to show his true self."  
  
"Excuse me?" Seth said offended. "I do not get bribed. I am unbribable because I am my own person of unbribableness, thank you very much. People just love me so much that they feel the need to give me things. Lots of things." He looked at Ryan quizzically. "Bribe me with what?"  
  
"Rooney concert, Palm Springs, Moroccan food, and apparently he's putting together a camping trip..."  
  
"Well, you know I hate nature." Seth explained serious. "So that's not getting me anywhere, I can tell you that right now."  
  
Ryan sighed troubled and closed his eyes.  
  
"He really cut his wrist for that?"  
  
"That among other things. At least, that's what the file said."  
  
"Marissa knows?"  
  
"No. She hates me enough. No need to add fuel to the fire, I suppose."  
  
"Except for the fact that she's your girlfriend and that you're kinda obligated to tell her about the breaking and entering. Cause she's your girlfriend."  
  
Ryan looked at Seth, who was nervously letting his eyes wander around the pool house. Why was he so nervous whenever Marissa was mentioned? Ryan frowned and his thoughts were interrupted by Seth's rambling.  
  
"Not that you should tell her if you think it'll break you two up. I mean, as a couple. I doubt it'll actually break you, like, you'll get to walk around school with your legs and your torso being two completely different beings. Yeah. That wouldn't be good. With the breaking up. So, yeah, don't tell her then, I guess. 'Cept, then you'd be lying to her, which would kinda give her a reason to break up with you."  
  
"Seth."  
  
"And that would be bad. Yes?"  
  
"Look, I know you don't really trust me."  
  
"Whoa." Seth interrupted. "Hello? I do trust you. Where the hell did that come from?"  
  
"Sorry, I guess I'm just used to believing that people don't trust me."  
  
"I trust you, man. I do. About this Oliver thing with the file saying he's a freak, well, I trust you that that's what the file said."  
  
"Okay..." Ryan muttered.  
  
"And I trust you now, when you say that Oliver is dangerous. I mean, I like Marissa as much as the next Gucci-wearing, prada-loving gal out there who organizes fashion galas, and I wouldn't like anything to happen to her because of Oliver. And you've been here longer than him, so I should automatically be on your side."  
  
Ryan paused and looked oddly at Seth.  
  
"I'm sorry, Ryan." Seth sighed and looked truthfully. "I really am. I've been a bad friend, and I haven't supported you on this. If I've done anything, I've just made it worse."  
  
"It's okay."  
  
"No, no it's not. From now on, you can count on me." He smiled. "For anything."  
  
"You mean that?"  
  
"Do I ever lie?"  
  
"Well –"  
  
"Do I ever lie to you? That's what I meant to say, I meant to say 'Do I ever lie to you?'"  
  
Ryan just smiled and shook his head. "No."  
  
"That's what I thought, man. We are amigos. From now on, we stick together through rain, and...when it's not raining. Thick and thin." Seth threw his arm around Ryan's shoulder. "Okay? Deal? We stick together, and we are best buddies. Everything is back to normal. And you're not leaving, because I won't let you. I won't let you walk out on me."  
  
Ryan turned his head to face Seth and saw how very close their mouths suddenly were. Only a few inches closer and they would be experience something some people would call a kiss. Or, what Seth would call, a very Big Gay Kiss.  
  
But Ryan didn't care anymore about the consequences. Though, did he ever? He was grown up thinking that he had the freedom to do everything, even everybody when he was in the mood, and nobody could take that away from him. It was only when he met Marissa when he found out just how little freedom he really had. But it was the moments he had with Seth when he knew that, during those moments, he had his freedom back.  
  
That's what was the difference between Seth and Marissa. Except for the fact that one's a boy and one's a girl. If it were up to Ryan, he would've gone back in time and choose the boy.  
  
"I meant what I said before, by the way. In case you weren't listening." Seth said, still not moving away from the closeness of Ryan's lips. "I need you. Here, in fact. I've always...really needed you, Ry."  
  
Ryan smiled and really liked that nickname for him. Especially all the times when Seth would burst into the pool house, just to get to use the nickname with a quick "Hi, Ry" and then run off to meet Anna or Summer.  
  
With Seth's eyes fixated on Ryan's, they both kissed. And it was nothing of what both of them had expected it to be. It was better than that.  
  
After a few moments, Ryan felt Seth touching his thigh and he gasped for air. With Seth's arm still around his shoulder, he put his head in the nape of Seth's neck and knew why it felt so right to be in his arms: because it was right.  
  
"Wow." Seth whispered, a bit shocked, but still grinning like a fool. "That was...awesome."  
  
Ryan smiled.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I mean, really awesome. I haven't really encountered a lot of these Big Gay Kisses; actually I have to say I was quite the virgin before tonight, but dude, that was awesome. Very, very, very awesome."  
  
"So I've heard."  
  
Seth paused.  
  
"I totally forgot why I came here in the first place. What was it we were just talking about?"  
  
"Oliver."  
  
"Well," Seth said as Ryan looked up at him, "I think I know what will take your mind of off Oliver." And then kissed him again, entirely enjoying all the Big Gay Kisses that he from now on loved so much and was a huge fan of.  
  
Anna and Summer had nothing on Ryan.  
  
"So, dude, you're staying, right?" Seth asked a bit later as they were snuggled up on the bed. "I mean, you didn't just take advantage of me and then plan to run off when I'm not looking, right?"  
  
"No, I'm staying, Seth." Ryan said amused.  
  
"Good. That makes me happy." He said a bit childish, but didn't care cause he was snuggling up against Ryan's chest, not Anna's and not even Summer's. And nothing made him happier.  
  
"Is it just me, or..." Ryan started.  
  
"Does this feel right? I'm totally with you there, dude. I can't believe we're on the same level of thinking. Well, you know what they say, right? Great minds think alike. And yes, this really, really feels right, and I'm so glad you think so too." Seth smiled content.  
  
"I meant to say, is it just me or do you hear someone coming?" Ryan repeated.  
  
Seth blushed insanely and avoided Ryan's eyes.  
  
"Um. No. Whatever. I got to go now. I have to get some pie. I love the pie!"  
  
"Seth. It feels right, I know. I'm just joking with you." Ryan stopped him just when Seth was about to stand up and leave in all the embarrassment.  
  
"Oh." Seth said relieved and glared at him. "Hey, you're evil! You're taking pleasure in my pain! That is evil!"  
  
Ryan just laughed and pulled Seth into another kiss, which Seth certainly didn't say no to.  
  
And that's all it took to take his mind of Marissa and Oliver, really. Because it's been what he's been wanting since he got to Newport, and now when Ryan felt how right everything was, he just didn't mind all the other stuff. Because no matter what, he now had Seth.  
  
TBC? 


End file.
